I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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