I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
