We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just found a bag of teeth...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
