I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
