i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
