My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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