whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
