I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
