We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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