i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
