in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
