Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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