i just sent this text using only my big toe
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
