We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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