i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
