you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
