i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
