And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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