I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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