It's Friday. Sex?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
