if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
