I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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