i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
