we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
