Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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