you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
