Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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