He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
