im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
