If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
