Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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