jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
