Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
