There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
