Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
