Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
