Having a random hookup so left but love u
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
