I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
