I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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