I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
