Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
