i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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