I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
