hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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