I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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