she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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