yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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