I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
