OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My bed smells like the plague
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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