So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
