I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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