It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
